click a song to view the lyrics
MEMORY AS AFFLICTION
by Michael
iris wide now she's within
stirring my love once again
i thought that i would handle me
how wrong can one boy be?
don't blame me for what i am - i'm ashamed of it
futile attempts to lose myself inside her
i've got something to prove because i'm weak
but no-one is going to know
you're not enough to satisfy
hope comes but i know it will only pass by
sometimes i think that you can see
but thats just naive me
SURROGATE
by Richard
empty, rejected by my images of happines
silence drones on, birds only taunt
exhaustion never tires
feed it its smiles
hate every joke
i play my part
i say the lines
i know the drill
i will stay in time
i hate the song, the film, the play
who cares?
they watch me anyway
aching, hollow, thoughtless, senseless
emotion beyond me
need drains me, faking degrades me
love denies me, loving kills me
STONE
by Richard
living for myself; for once I will succeed
i won't live to be an angel
i'll lay back - enjoy the greed
maybe once in a while i'll show a caring side
they'll think that i'm the victim - invent someone i hide
i've broken a promise or two or three
so what? i'm not sorry
maybe that's just me?
i'm still the person that i've always been
the lies have changed but now i'm coming clean
THE JOURNEY TO AND FROM
by Jaime
every step i take: engraved in stone
the same two feet will always carry me home
the queue of people waiting to leave
could i have to if i had only believed?
you make all my choices
you say all my words
you move all my movements
will my whispers be heard?
people surrounded by what they have made
don't hurry too fast or you may not be saved
my dreams ambitions that i need to fulfil
ignorance can make me feel so fucking ill
DYING A DEATH
by Michael & Richard
i've been thinking so low today
it's unintentional
you see friends for the first time all over again
but the pleasure is all mine
"it doesn't really hurt that much" i have to tell myself
denial is your only friend
the only problem here is you're so fucking easy to delude
i am not mine
this is not true
the things that you said
have shaped my discontent
life split in two
i'm ready to repent
i'm truly sorry if i've bothered you
with any bleeding i have done
ANAMNESIS
by Michael
something small falls from your mouth
smooth, hard and black - it's everything i understand
confusion gently grows as silence changes me
and change is something to be feared
content in suffering the memories of youth
this only works for those who still believe
but i'll show you more
much more than you should ever know
and be too scared to let go
we never found our way
indifference smothered my heart
what else is there to say?
i'm seeing now through unborn eyes
that can't believe the things they see
the consequences of a misplaced trust in you
A PRIORI
by Michael & Richard
i never thought that anyone
could play the parts so well for me
waiting to see what damages
is it so wrong to waste my time this way?
nobody ever really listens anymore
i'm somewhere else and losing hope
but never looking back again from here
would kill the only thing that i still feel
and when it's spilling over us
i swear i'll never want again
imagine if indifference itself
could help me understand
and now i realise what we are:
trying to let go of everything we thought this had to be
and after everything i've said
i can almost see the day i believe
LUMEN
by Charlotte & Richard
your view of me may change
but my eyes: crystal clear
will bear the shape of you
i'll hold you in my throat forever
you'll never leave
you'll never leave me
see every chair, in every room
and know i've been there too
see an empty cafe
know i was there - thinking of you
behind every door, round every turn
know i'm just out of sight
in everything that you do
know i am there - watching you
now i look down upon the ring on my finger
the promise you made, the risk you made me take
i lay back relieved
it's all in this ring: you will be mine again
THE GREAT BEFORE
by Michael & Richard
there's too much to learn
from our years gone by
like sand slips through the fragile fingers of my mind
now i'm counting days
while you're 'living life'
under illusions of your tragically myopic eyes
you know the longer this goes on
the more the pressured present-tense becomes
the fear of being wrong
shoot all the bluejays that you want...
i search for black and white
in a world of grey
such a stupid game but one i need to play
i'm standing still
within this sound
pure isolation - never to be found
living for today
can never satisfy
it's an alibi
and relativity is no better than compromise
a ritual deception
each precious moment here then gone
the past it doesn't work that way
this theory's here to stay
BLAME
by Richard, Michael & Charlotte
he can see your pain
he can feel the same
but does it still mean a thing when shes to blame?
all or nothing - whats the difference?
why ruin your only chance with her?
she'll take just what she wants
all the rest, all the best is left unseen
and it seems to me that you won't see
that she'll never try to see through you
she'll never look past the things you say and do
you're hanging on her every word
just waiting - baring her your soul
surely she won't take that from you if its not for real?
but I know she will
and its clear to me you'll never see
that she's only there to have her fill
she doesn't care that its everything to you
but you'll never show you're not the one in control
think it through - why are you still waiting in the cold?
maybe some day you won't be treated this way
clear your mind - see that you are betrayed
...and when your time is through
she'll just laugh at you
and you will only have yourself to blame
NEVERCHANGE
by Michael & Richard
if time is reducible to change
then i don't think i want to know
just what you see in faith
that i cannot hold
each day accumulates a sense
of falling out of touch
each turn will take me further from the things i yearn to hold
don't tell me i am pessimist
it is rational to see
that no good can come from disrgarding all i see
to answer questions as to why
is to say nothing at all
for time to heal it must damage first
i just wanted you to know
if change can happen one way
then i can change it back
with the tired pretence of ignorance
i'm still waiting for things to never change
MASQUERADE
by Richard
can you remember just where we thought we'd be now?
where are the boys who dressed like girls?
do you remember just when our aspirations died
and left us victim to the things we kept inside?
now the only thing that is left of who we were
is locked inside the memory of all the people that we'll never meet again
and the illusion is gone
we're not faking anything at all - what for?
the truth is such a bore
do you remember?
our image lived and died too fast
was it ever meant to last?
is it all over?
will we never live again?
will we ever just throw caution to the wind?
i know, if i know you
i know you loved the masquerade
so put on your skirt and fake it
then we'll know if we can still put on the show
LEARNING IS FUN
by Michael
no end more vacuous than learning
all considered and waiting and burning
will decimated in the wake of apathy
concrete beliefs; easier targets
begging to be mastered
behold! the confusion delivered death blow...
shadows too easily distorted casting rot to gut
it's whispered disposition propaganda
i've spent so many years just building
you cannot hope to learn neglecting to destroy
a call to arms for tired eyes
perpetual effort undermined
with every effort serving lies
sit down, shut up, take shit, dream
so tell me its 'not meant to be'
and exercise your sophistry
you're not given to contrive
formulae for movement in your life
and now your bridge is burning
its stick or tryst
fuck you!
decide!
practiced in taming all your losses
on sundays you surrender
to a fitting tragedy of acute consciousness
do what you say - say what you mean
why's that so wrong?
not simple enough for you?
just raise high the roofbeam, carpenters!
beneath the envy of her silhouette i gasp for air
its vicious absolution taunts me with
the irony in its creation
i've studied hard but now i want my money back
i'll give just so you can ignore
for me the lessons work no more
these septic ideals you can't hide
liberty in realising the ascetic life
just give it up you're not winning this time
BROKEN THOUGHTS
by Charlotte
i heard it in your voice just now
that morbid silence, that change
so strange
they stick right to your insides now
corrosive and inspiring
they seem to be all you need - not me
words can't describe all the fears i hold inside
still i never walked away from you
behind your eyes a space resides
so hollow dead inside
where beauty once lay i'm afraid has now decayed
these chemicals make you more clinical each time
the longer that i hold on to your vacant smile
the deeper thorns embed themselves
left to shelter in my own concerns
i ask myself 'why am i simply not enought to satisfy?'
after all the years of eternal struggles within my heart
a stubborn concept of righteousness
reduces all your attempts at serenity into nothing
these chemicals make you ore clinical each time
the longer that i fail to see an honest smile
the less i feel i can hold on to all i love
and though i'll stand beside you here
trying never to shed but a tear
what stops you trusting anyone with the truth?
ep1
memory as affliction
surrogate
stone
the journey to and from
ep2
dying a death
anamnesis
a priori
lumen
ep3
the great before
blame
neverchange
masquerade
ep4
learning is fun
broken thoughts
